Monday, August 15, 2005
I have recovered. Not.
It's been long since I came online. Busy studying. Well, not really studying studying, but at least, getting there. The exams are approaching and I'm scared. Less than a month to prelims, and less than 3 months to the A levels. I should not have started studying last year.
School's been draining the life out of me. I want to party!! After prelims perhaps? Maybe once. Heh.
I just finished clearing my room. Haven't cleared it since last year. Yup. Last year. Mum went out to bind my notes. =)
Random happenings since the last time I blogged:
-My phone broke down last week. I almost cried!
-I got picked up.
-Watched fireworks. (if only you were there)
-Watched 3 movies.
-Shopping.
This sums up my boring update. I'll promise a more exciting update the next time I blog, when the weather is not so hot. :)
4:04 pm |
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
I was thinking about death these past few days. No, I'm not going to kill myself or anything. Death in general.
Is natural death painful?
Will it be quick?
Who would come by to see me before I die?
Will I get a chance to see certain people for one last time?
When I die, would I die knowing that I lived life to the max, achieving what I set out to achieve, making an impact on something I did, and have no unfinished business?
Would I have settled all my personal stuff and I can leave the world happy?
I think I might have high blood pressure. Gasp! BP 167/86. That's very high. The doctor said I'm too young to have high BP, so I'll go back again next week and get it checked again. The first time I saw my blood pressure so high was during the army medical. Today is the second time I see my BP so high. I swear school is the cause of all this. Bitch.
If I were to drop dead this next instant, I will not die a happy man. I've not lived my life to the max. There are things which I have not done happily. Like my current status in Junior College, but I won't whine about it.
-
There is someone I want to apologies to. I'm sorry. I might have been childish, a jerk, a bastard or an emotionally charged high EQ asshole. Sorry. I may not be as good, I can't write as well, nor match his certain achievements, nor can I replace him.
During the time I was with
you, I hope you enjoyed my company, the laughs, me being there, the joy, my comforts, and most importantly, enjoyed the little boy
you fell in love with. I loved you a lot, and I hope that you loved me too.
You know I did.
I have wept the 7 seas, and they are still filling up with tears. I've written stories, poems, letters, but I don't want to bother
you.
I still think of
you. I know that I shouldn't be like this. I don't want to be like this either. But the pain lingers much as I try to let go of it. It's not the pain of breaking up anymore. I've gotten over that. It's the pain of losing
you, of missing
you.
Though our journey together as one has ended, I hope that now, we can go back to the very old days of being the best of friends.
Sorry once again. Don't hold it against me ok?
your friend,
Shawn
I'm sorry I'm posting this. But it's been bugging me recently, even now. I have to let it out of my system. Hope you understand. I hope you don't get angry over this. If you object to this entry, SMS me yeah?
12:00 am |
